July 18th Friday.

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You know, over Christmas I was having panic attacks about leaving the house. I think its because we were stuck in for Christmas and it was my first Christmas without Jay-Dee,  well anyway, I was just sat thinking about how much of a bad place I was in mentally and how far I've come. I know i don't go very far, but im leaving the house most days, im socialising with friends even though I don't want to. I'm pushing myself to do more and its working. I'm hoping I don't go down bank over the 6 week holidays. I need to leave the house as much as I can. Where im going to go, I don't know. Even if its just the park for an hour or so, I need to push myself. Jesse is happy he's got 6 weeks off now and im happy I don't have to set an alarm. Thought about my dad and son today and im doing ok. Depressed but not suicidal, so I'll take that. I'm going bed early tonight, when I say early I mean about 9 or 10, because im tired. I'm always tired and I take vitamins. 
Jensen has his first fight tomorrow and last night he split his eye open at the gym doing MMA and he's had to have it glued and then butterfly stitches over the top. So now he's hoping they still let him fight. I'm more concerned about his cut opening back up whilst he's fighting. I had a feeling yesterday that something would happen at the gym and then his eye gets bust open. 
Doesn't matter how old your kids get, you never stop worrying about them.
I'll let you know if the fight goes ahead.

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