June 8th Sunday.

Went a quiz night last night with a few of my friends at church, was a really fun evening. Did me the world of good because I've been really down the past week. 

All I think about everyday is my dad's and my sons death. Their deaths are consuming me. Ive been diagnosed with PTSD which makes sense.

In a couple of weeks I've got a psychology screening. Not really sure what that is if im honest.

I need to tell them that suicide crosses my mind everyday. All I think about is hanging myself. One day im going to end up dead.

Ive got a few friends coming today for a girly catch up and lots of cups of tea.

Ive got so many sober friends now I feel blessed to have them in my life.

Jensen and Jasper go Italy later on today for 3 nights with Damian. The house is going to be so quiet without them here, I'll miss them.

Jensen and I have just had a McDonald's breakfast, I'll never be skinny and im ok with that. Someone is going to have to love my for me and my weight. 

I matched with someone on Facebook dating a few days ago and we've been taking everyday. She seems nice so we'll see where that goes but I'll keep you updated. Ive told her im depressed, little does she know that I also have EUPD and PTSD. How do you tell someone that you're suicidal everyday? I'll leave that for another time.

It would be nice if we hit it off, she lives near Birmingham though so we'll see.

Back to the school run tomorrow, the weekends go so fast. 

Not really doing much today except seeing my friends. Can't really be bothered to socialise, I never can, but i push myself to do things so anxiety doesn't win.