June 26th Thursday.

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I don't see the point in my existence. I'm sat thinking about my life and I just don't see the point in me being alive. I'm having a shit day today. I had a psychological evaluation this morning and its just made me feel worse talking about things. I told them im suicidal all the time and how I replay my dad and sons death over in my head daily. I'm being referred for group trauma therapy. So I've got to sit in a group and talk about how I feel. Anxiety is going to love that. God I really fucking hate life. I need a break, I need to just die already. I'm a dead soul living in this body I borrowed. 
God I really am having a shit day. I'm fed up today. Today's one of them days where I wish I was dead. I can't keep living like this, im not living. I'm just surviving. I can't keep living like this, something needs to happen before I break. I'm trying so hard to be strong and its killing me. I'm slowly drowning. I'm trying to keep my head above water for my children, but its draining. Ive got no motivation to leave the house. I do the school run and hate it. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but I can't because I can't let my kids see me like that. I'm trying so hard to be strong for everyone else, im forgetting to be strong for myself. I'm a shell of a person and I think I'll be lost forever...

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