June 23rd Monday.

Been to Jesse's sports day this morning with Damian, he's never missed a sports day. Jesse is so lucky to have him as his father figure. I'm feeling blessed.

Ive just booked a holiday for next year. Its given me something to look forward to and also a goal to get better mentally. I'm nervous about going, well its not nerves its anxiety but I'll have Jasper and Jesse with me so I think I'll be ok. The place we're going, I went a couple of years ago and it was amazing. Its called Sol Katmandu in Magaluf. I'm so excited to take the boys. Its given me something else to live for. Now I really need to lose weight so from today I'll be healthy eating. Ive got a year to get better and im determined to get better. I can do this. Booking the holiday has given me a bit of a boost today. I'm feeling ok. 

I felt sick as a dog when I first woke up this morning but I feel ok now, so don't know why I felt so sick. 

I'm just doing a load of washing and having a cup of tea. I'm tired if im honest. Could do with a nap but I won't have one.

I went my mates yesterday afternoon with another of my friends. So had a good afternoon. 

I'm trying to change my mindset, instead of thinking 'is this my life', im trying to think more positive about things. Yes this is my life and its ok. I see my friends all the time so why aren't I happy. I should be more grateful for what I have. 

Am I finally writing a better blog? I think i am, but we all know these days don't last.

I'm just trying to be more positive. Its a step in the right direction isn't it?

Ive got a psychological assessment this week, not really sure what it is but I'll attend and see what happens.

Anyway, can't hang myself now, I've got a holiday to pay for. Its probably done me good booking it, its given me a goal to look forward to.