June 20th Friday.

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Not had a bad day today with my mental health but its probably because my brother came after work for a few hours. 
I'm going out tomorrow night for a curry with a few friends. I'm honestly looking forward to it. I don't get out much so its just what I need.
My friends are dressing up but I don't have going out clothes because I don't go out, so I'll be dressing casual.
Thought about hanging myself today, like I do everyday. The main thing is that I don't act on my suicidal ideation. 
This is why I stay sober so I can fight my intrusive thoughts. If I was still drinking, my kids would of buried me by now. 
Anyway, besides the suicidal thoughts im doing ok today.
It's red hot even with my fan on today.
Don't know if i told you but i brought a £300 Dyson Cooler fan. Its amazing. I know its alot of money but im paying it monthly on my mums Argos card.
I don't go out, i don't drink, I don't smoke, so I thought fuck it im having a decent fan. Its amazing but I have keep carrying it up and down stairs to use day and night whilst the weather is hot. I have to sleep with a fan on, I can't sleep without the noise. 
Ive been drinking loads of water the past few days, i usually buy crates of fizzy pop, but I've brought bottled water instead this week. I'm hoping it clears my spots up and helps with the bloating. 
I'm seriously thinking about going short with my hair. I love my hair when its washed, dried and straightened but its a chore doing it. I'm losing that much hair it makes me sad. Fucking Menopause!
Anyway I've just cleansed my face to see if that helps with my spots I've got.
And that's me for today. Its 9:40pm now so goodnight. 


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