June 15th Sunday. Father's Day.

Another father's day without my dad. 

I feel deflated today, when i woke up I sat on my bed for ages trying find the will to live. I'm up and dressed because im going my friends this afternoon for a few hours.

I don't feel like doing anything but I have to push myself through. I miss my dad so much. Its till hurts me just as much as it did the day my father passed away. 

I just have to keep telling myself that he's with Jay-Dee and they're not alone in heaven. Its the only comfort I get, knowing they're both together. 

Ive brought Damian some little gifts and cards off the kids. He's coming in an hour to collect Jesse. 

God im so tired of being alive. I'm tired of waking up everyday and trying to live this life I've been given. From the bottom of my heart, I am tired.

Grief is draining.

Ive just done a wash and got it pegged out, I've checked the weather and there's no rain coming so that's good.

I'm joining slimming world next week, i need to do something about my weight gain, I've had enough of feeling fat.

I'm going do a healthy food shop tomorrow after I've taken Jesse school. I'm going stock up on healthy foods. Wish me luck. We'll see how i do, I've brought a Slimming World recipe book so im going try my best lose some weight.

Jasper's messaged me to say he's been throwing up, bless him. So don't think I'll be seeing him today.

I'm going out for a curry next Saturday with a few of my friends so that should be a good night. Ive got no interest in life but im really trying my best.