May 7th Wednesday.

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I looked on my memories this morning and saw a photo of my 4 boys with their baby sister and it broke my heart. I ask myself why everyday. Why did my son have to kill himself? I know I'm going to ask this for the rest of my life. I'll post the photo at the end of my blog.
I've been the cafe with my friends and my friend mentioned it will be a year for her dad passing away on the 11th of next month, and I told her how it will be a year for my son on the 2nd of next month. It was nice to talk to someone going through what I am. I'm dreading Jay-Dees one year anniversary. Its come around so fast. It really doesn't feel like a year. Life has been a blur for me.
I was saying how I'm ok when I'm out of the house, it's when I'm stuck in on my own my mind goes on overdrive. 
How is it nearly a year already?
I've just done a wash and pegged it out, now I'm sat with a cup of tea writing this blog.
I need to take my morning medication. I hate taking it. The size of the capsules is ridiculous. I hate taking them but I know i need them.
I've been Asda and was meant to go the chemist to collect my medication, but I forgot. It takes me alot to walk anywhere because of anxiety that eats away at me when I'm out of the house. I'm trying my best with life and that's all I can do.
Jay-Dee is the one holding his sister in this photo. I miss him so much.

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