May 3rd Saturday.

I've taken Jesse out this morning for a breakfast date, just the 2 of us. That's a massive thing for me because of how bad my anxiety is. I'm trying my best to get better and push myself to do things.

It was lovely, we had a big breakfast each then we walked across to Heron Foods to get some goodies for tonight.

Jasper sleeps on a Saturday so it's take away night tonight. I'll never be thin haha.

Life is too short to not enjoy food, that's what I think anyway.

We've come back from having breakfast and got back in our pj's.

I'm so proud of myself for taking Jesse out on my own. 

Yesterday I did my garden, the grass was so overgrown so I had to strim it all first, then get the mower on it. Looks so much better now. Its not as warm today but I'm doing a wash and pegging it out.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday morning, she's making a referral for trauma therapy. I've had the worst few years anyone could have, from my dad dying, to me having cancer and then my son died. Its been pretty traumatic. Not sure how long the waiting list is but I hope it helps me deal with everything I've gone through.

Jesse will be turning 9 in 8 days and yesterday I ordered balloons and banners with the number 8 on. I'm such an idiot, luckily I was able to cancel my order. 

I sat listening to Jay-Dees funeral song the other night, it made me sad, but it's a beautiful song. Its called childhood dreams by Nelly Furtado. Have a listen to it, its really beautiful. 

Next month will be a year since Jay-Dees death, it seems like yesterday he passed away. The past year has been a blur. 

I'm still sober too, coming upto 3 & a half years. I've thought about drinking alot since my son passed away, but I've never given into temptation, and for that I'm feeling proud. I don't think I'll ever drink again. Imagine the hangover I'd have if I had a drink? No thank you haha.

Anyway, I'm not feeling too bad today, i was sad the other night that's why i listened to Jay-Dees funeral song. I still can't believe he's gone. 

Not a day goes by where his death doesn't hit me over and over again.

I still can't believe my dad and son are both gone..