May 26th Monday.

Had the best day yesterday, i went to my friends daughters baptism and it was a lovely service. I didn't go the pub after for drinks, I didn't feel ready to be in a pub. I'm ok going somewhere that does food with a play area for Jesse, but I'm not ready for a proper pub. After the service I went for dinner with Jensen and Jesse which was lovely, I just love being with my boys. My friend came around yesterday evening for a few hours and Jasper came around to spend the night again. I was busy all day and it did me the world of good.

In a week's time it will be a year for Jay-Dee. I was telling Jasper yesterday that it feels like it happened just yesterday and he said the same. He said he's stuck on the day it happened and the world just keeps moving. That's exactly how I feel. I talk to Jasper loads, he's like my best friend. Well all my boys are my best friends, but I find it easy to tell Jasper my problems. He listens and understands. He said he's suffering with anxiety and i said me too. Its since Jay-Dees death. I was telling Jasper how I've been mentally unwell since my dad died and its just gotten worse since Jay-Dees death. 

I keep pushing myself everyday to do things, even with anxiety. I had anxiety yesterday morning about going my friends baptism on my own, but I forced myself to go and I'm so glad I did.

I'm meant be going the cinema today with my sister but Jesse's saying he doesn't want to go, so we'll see.

I've got a driving lesson in the morning which I'm taking Jesse with me, then in the afternoon I've got my CT scan which is giving me anxiety. Got go the hospital alone. I'll do it though, I've got to, to make sure my cancer isn't back. Wish me luck.

Anyway, enjoy your bank holiday what ever you're doing. Take care.