May 16th Friday.

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I'm mentally unwell, what if I never get better? What if this is how I've got to live this life? I can't live like this until I die. 
I've got to be due some luck, surely. I've had enough heartbreak to last me a life time. I've had a pretty shit week this week. I can't stop thinking about Jay-Dees 1 year anniversary coming up. How has it been nearly a year? I've blinked and time has passed me by. This isn't living. There's times that I wish I was dead, I thought about killing myself yesterday and then I stopped and thought about Jesse waiting at school for me to collect him. I thought about how it would destroy my 3 boys, so you see, I've got no choice but to live this shitty life. I pray that things will get better.
One day I'm going to write a blog about how I've overcome everything I'm going through, I'm going to write about happiness. Not today, but one day.
I know God is carrying me through each day. I'm thankful i found my faith 4 years ago, i pray alot. Going to church and praying is keeping me going, that and my kids. My kids are the main factor of my existence. Without them I wouldn't be alive. 


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