May 14th Wednesday.

The past few days have been draining, I've had no energy. I didn't take Jesse school yesterday, but wish I had. I've just felt so tired. My son brought some allergy tablets yesterday so I took one in the afternoon and after about an hour I started to feel a bit better. Surely hay-fever can't make you feel drained. To be fair I couldn't even breathe properly, my nose felt like it was closed. Its got to of been hay-fever. But anyway, I feel so much better today, thank god. 

I've just cooked a chilli for tea, just got do the rice after school. 

I feel mentally drained just lately and I just keep thinking it's because Jay-Dees anniversary of his death is fast approaching. God I miss my child so much. 

I've decided today to cut out all the rubbish I eat, especially chocolate. I'm murder for chocolate, I've got such a sweet tooth since being on Olanzopine. 

I've just had my morning medication and that's about it for today. I did all my washing yesterday so I'm good till tomorrow. 

I need a holiday but I'm just not mentally well enough to book one, anxiety stops me. I hate my life, I honestly just wish I'd die already. 

My friend Tom said this morning how he's fed up of doing the same shit, day in day out and I couldn't relate more. I feel exactly the same. I'm not living I'm just surviving and its sad.