January 10th 2025 Friday.

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Today I turn 41.
If I'm honest, I'm shocked I'm still alive.
I honestly didn't think I'd see my 41st birthday, but here I am fighting for my life.
This day last year I went out for a meal with my 4 boys and this year I only have 3 of my children with me. It's a sad day.
I've had presents and cards and I'm very grateful. 
The past couple of days I've felt a bit better mentally. Thank God.
On them dark days where I'm suicidal, I have to fight through them and I need to remember that I do have better days, but on them dark days it's so hard to even think about better days. The mind doesn't work like that. My mind tells me to kill myself on them dark days. 
I've got no plans for today. I've been the cafe with my friends which does me the world of good. They're so supportive. They know how much I'm struggling. 
My brother is coming after he's finished work so I won't be on my own today.
Anyway, happy birthday to me.

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