December 2nd Monday.

I've got Jesse off school today, he had sickness and diarrhoea yesterday. He's fine today so he's going back school tomorrow. He's not been sick again since early hours Sunday morning. 

Christmas is fast approaching and my heart isn't feeling it. This time next month it will all be over and done with. Thank god.

My goal for 2025 is to get better mentally. 

Not sure how I'm going to do it, but I need to do something. 

I need to start thinking more positively. 

I need to be more thankful for what I have in my life.

It's so hard changing your mindset when you suffer with depression. Throw grief into the equation and it's a nightmare. 

It was 26 weeks yesterday since my son so tragically passed away. 

I'm still sober too. I ask myself 'how am I still sober?' And I honestly don't know. I'm as shocked as you are.

I'll be 3 years sober on January 1st 2025. 3 whole years of sobriety.

Some times I think it adds to my depression,  but I know I'd be dead if I did drink again.

You have to sit with your feelings instead of hiding behind a bottle, which is what I use to do.

I nearly died once, 4 years ago. Technically I shouldn't be here. I'd drank a bottle of Jack Daniels and took enough medicated sleeping tablets, that even my doctor was shocked I'd survived. I'll never forget him saying to me, what was in my blood work, he was shocked I'm still alive. I was sedated that night and put on breathing equipment. I believe my Dad sent me back to do life differently, so here I am sober living.

I still have days where there's nothing more I'd love than drink alcohol, but I know my children would be so disappointed in me.

I really am alive today for them.

Everything I do is for my boys.

I miss my Son and Dad more than anything in the world.