November 3rd Sunday.

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We all know how much I hate Sundays but, im one day closer to seeing my son and my dad again. I was thinking to myself, if I died today, Jesse wouldnt remember me as he got older, would he? Hes only 8.. Another reason I cant end my own life, which is good. I couldnt bare it if Jesse had to grow up not remembering me, that breaks my heart to think about. Im not going anywhere, anyway. Got to keep fighting my demons! Back to the school run tomorrow. As much as I hate waking up, the routine does me the world of good. Ive taken my dog for her usual walk this morning, then I had a bath and tackled my hair. Ive said before how much I despise washing my hair, I hate how much hair I lose when I wash it. I know its because of the Menopause, ive been using rosemary oil, its meant to help with hair loss. Not sure its working but ill carry on. I often wonder if my weight gain is from the HRT im on? Ive been cutting out some of the rubbish I eat and im half a stone down in 2 weeks, better than nothing I guess. Ive got such a sweet tooth so its really hard being good :( You ever feel like its battle after battle in life? because I do. How am I feeling today? Im not suicidal but I wouldnt say no to dying.

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