November 2nd Saturday.

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22 weeks tomorrow without my first born son. 22 weeks of heartache and sorrow. Id love to blog about how happy I am but thats never going to happen is it? I do hope one day I can write a more happier blog. You know, its funny because writing this blog has saved my life on many occasions. When I write about how I feel it gets it out of my system. Came up on my memories on facebook the other day about the book I wrote and published myself, when I was in a real dark place. May as well promote it whilst im here.. If you type in Amazon, Eternity Drowning, my book will come up. It has a black cover. I cant read back what I wrote, im the same with this blog, I bet I repeat myself some times because I forget what ive written. When I woke up today, I got dressed straight away and walked my dog, then ive been sorting out clothes I dont wear anymore in my bedroom. Im already 4 bin bags deep and ive still got more to do. Who even owns this many clothes that I never wear! Anyway I think im going donate them all to charity. Managed to keep my mind busy today, so ive not felt too bad. I get to the end of everyday and I tell myself 'I made it through another day'. How sad is it that im literally living day by day. Cant even make plans because my anxiety eats away at me! I am not enjoying being alive at all. What a sad existance.

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