November 19th Tuesday.

Feeling very emotional today, I really miss my son and my dad.

You know the feeling you get when you're about to cry? Well I've had that feeling all morning and then I've just broke down crying and now I can't stop crying.

Not sure why I'm feeling so emotional, I guess it's just one of those bad days I have.

I wish the world would just end.

I welcome death.

I'm tired of trying to be strong everyday.

I went the cafe this morning to see my friends and I could feel myself needing to cry, it's a weird feeling.

Been Asda to get stuff to make a Sunday dinner for tea, even though its only Tuesday.

It snowed last night so it's freezing today but I've still taken my dog out for a walk.

She kept jumping over little piles of snow, she's so cute.

I've stood and peeled 2 bags of carrots and I'll cook them later along with everything else. I already can't wait for my tea.

Anyway, I've had a cry so I'm hoping it's out of my system now.

Why can't I deal with death better?  Everyone around me seems to be getting on with their lives and I feel like I'm stuck in grief.

I died inside the day my father passed away and now my son is dead, I'm not sure how I'm going come back from this.

I feel lost today and I know it's just a bad day but, when you're going through a 'bad day' it feels like there's no way out.

Maybe I'm tired, I don't know why I'm so emotional today.

I've got a busy day tomorrow so that will occupy my mind.

I'm taking Jasper Newcastle College for an interview for an apprenticeship he wants to do and then I've got choir practice.

I just need get through today.

The past few days all I've thought about is hanging myself, I'm crying typing this.

I honestly wish id just die already. 

I'm tired of life.

Something has got to give before I end up giving up on life.