September 29th Sunday.

Sundays are a hard day for me, my son passed away on a Sunday and so did my father. Ive been the shops today to buy a cake and candles for my son in the stars. He should of been turning 22 tomorrow. I plan on going the gym in the morning, to try and ease the pain ill be feeling inside. His first birthday without him here is going to be hard, I already know this. He had so much more life ahead of him. Its just tragic that hes no longer here. I feel deflated today, im tired of life. Didnt go Church today, I slept till 11am. I must of needed the sleep. My son Jensen cooked me dinner today, the first time any of my kids have ever cooked for me, which was nice. We had bagels with bacon, eggs and cheese, but minus the bacon for me as im vegetarian. I have been for some years now. I just went off meat, the smell repulses me. Jesse is out with Damian, he goes every Sunday on different adventures and ive cooked a spag bol for tea. Going try get back to calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight! The little boy made for me in the stars, is turning 22 tomorrow and I feel terrible. It should of been a happy day, I should of been buying him gifts and saying happy birthday, but instead ill spend most of my day, sat staring at his urn that sits infront of my fire. My first born child is gone forever and I just feel lost. I will never get over losing my child.