June 23rd 2024 Sunday.

Sundays are always going to be hard, my dad passed away on a Sunday and 3 weeks ago today my son passed away.

I kinda feel sick in the pit of my stomach.

I remember 3 weeks ago today a police man knocking on my door. I remember opening the door and saying 'have I done something wrong?'. How could I of done something wrong, I never leave the house, but that's the first thing I said. He asked if he could come in and asked me send Jasper and Jesse up stairs.

Thing is, I still didn't expect him to say the words he said. I thought, oh god Jay-Dee has been arrested in Liverpool.. if only that was the reason why. To hear the words 'your son has passed away' will haunt me forever. 

The phone call I made to Damian, that morning, that replays in my head. I remember my hands shaking trying to call him.

Sunday is a day I'll never forget!

How has it been 3 weeks since I lost my baby, my beautiful 21 year old son?

What must of been going through his head for him to commit suicide? Why would he leave me behind knowing how much I'm struggling with life. Every day I think about dying. I've had visions of myself walking infront of oncoming cars, I had a vision of myself hanging from the stairs.

It's torture inside my head.

I keep expecting wake up from a nightmare...