Saturday October 7th

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How am I feeling?
Lost.
I feel so lost in life.
If I'm honest, I'm sick of waking up and doing the same shit everyday.
I keep telling myself, do something, get out the house, do something with your life and then anxiety tells me to sit the fuck back down.
Having depression and anxiety all rolled into one is absolute fucking torture!
Being alive is torture!
I keep reminding myself that things will get better but I've been waiting over 3 years now to 'get better', I mean how long am I suppose to suffer in order to get 'better'?????
I guess if I sit back and think about this time last year, when I was on the verge of killing myself, in that respect I am better than I was.  I mean I'm still struggling with wanting to be alive, but last year I wasn't even leaving my bed, so I guess I am doing better. So maybe this time next year I will feel a lot better, who knows? Fingers crossed ay..
I'll either be dead or doing better this time next year, I guess we'll have to struggle everyday to stay alive and see 👀 

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