Saturday April 29th 2023

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Can't seem to snap myself out of this low mood, it's been a week now and I still feel shit about being alive. I thought to myself earlier, it is 11:51am now, if I was not here who would do the laundry. Hahahahaa honestly, I could cry. I do everything for my boys, they are the reason I live. The days seem to just roll into one, i'm still waiting to find my purpose in life. I'm really contemplating life today but things pop in my head that make me realise I need to stick around. Who would make sure my kids have clean clothes, I honestly think my kids would be devastated, the thought of them feeling like I do smacks me up the face. I'd never want anyone to feel the way I do since my dad passed away. I don't want to be medicated in life, I don't want to have to live like this, I wear HRT, a patch I change every 3 days thanks to cancer i'm going through the Menopause, I take medication in the morning and night time. I'm sick of living like this. I'm still not happy in life so what is the point. I have taken medication for that many years, I haven't got a fucking clue who I am!

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