How life is going.

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I'm sad, like, extremely sad, but I am also feeling happier. I am sort of living with both emotions. Does that make sense to you? It will be 3 years in November, 3 whole years since my best friend in the whole world passed away at the young age of 55. Not a day goes by when I don't think about my dad and his cruel cancer. Esophageal Cancer!!! I fucking hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm screaming inside and it's staying inside, i'm not cutting my wrists anymore or thinking about killing myself, I just feel so sad inside. I've started to laugh again, then I feel sad, then I maybe laugh again, then the sadness comes back. That is how my days are going.. I think about my dad all day long, I dissociate an obscene amount of times through out the day, I do it that much it's horrible. I'm still not sure where i'm going in life but i'm just trying to stay alive. If all we did today was stay alive, then we are indeed winning. Take care xxx

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