Self Loathe.

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  Hate the way I look but trying my best love myself. How can I expect love from others when I don't even love myself? 

I hate life right now but at the same time I'm so thankful for everyday depression doesn't beat me. It's hard being me, it's a hard life, the past few years have been harder than ever. Thinking back, my whole life has been a struggle to survive, why couldn't I have been born happy.  There's always been an issue with my mental health, and I never got the help I needed when younger which is why, my mental health has depleted. Now every day is a battle to stay alive.

I don't feel like life today but now I'm stronger, I can deal with these days. It's the days that I feel really low that are a struggle, I have to tell myself over and over that I do have better days and that is how I get through them.

This issue I have with my appearance has also been an issue all my life, last year (2021) I went the biggest I have ever been in my life, got be the only person get fat having cancer haha joking aside I was off my feet for a while and just ate my feelings judging by the weight gain. I'm 4 stone lighter now than I was in January, and I still think I'm fat. I hate that word fat, but I call it myself daily. I really am harsh on myself.

Why can't I, actually, no, not why, let me phrase that differently, I AM going to start loving myself.

From today I am going to try my best to love myself and all that I am.

It's all any of us can do, isn't it?

See you tomorrow, stay strong xxx

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