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It's 22:35pm, I can't switch off. Olanzapine works most nights but I still have the odd night where my mind won't switch off.
It's 2 years tomorrow since my dad gained his wings, I've been thinking all day, how have I made it through these past 2 years, its crazy to think I'm still alive.
It's like I blinked and we're here, 2 years have passed by that fast. Makes you realise that time is so precious, you don't know when it's your time to go, it's inevitable that one day we will all die. Its scary really to think one day without any warning, we'll be gone and someone else who loves us is going to feel the way we feel. What a viscous circle life is.
I was thinking, how do I make the most of my life when I'm that depressed I've no motivation to even brush my teeth some days. I'm wasting my time being sad but I can't stop how I feel.
What if tomorrow never came and all I did for 2 years prior to my own death was feel numb and cry, how sad and cruel would that be, I never got the chance to be happy..
I'm going to let that sink in and try and find a reason that I'm still alive today.

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