Day & Night

Can't put my finger on which one is more depressing 😕 

For me, they're equal because I am alone all the time.

It's hard to explain, I have my kids around me but I still feel so alone.

When I sit at night and reflect on my day, I have to force myself to come up with at least one positive.. the children are all safe. That's my positive. 

There's got to be more, I can imagine you thinking..

Oh yeh, I woke up today to be a mum again.. Yay [sarcasm]

But seriously, I wake up, I be a mum, the boys say jump, I say how high. I'd move mountains for my children without a doubt.

Now that's all well and good people saying, think of the kids if you weren't here..

Firstly, they are all I think about, but secondly, what about me for once???

When do I get a break to think about myself, I have never gotten a break in life.

My whole life has been one big fuck up. The only positive to have come out of my 38 years of been stuck on this shit planet is birthing 4 beautiful baby boys and for that alone, I am eternally grateful 🙏🏼 

You know its quite sad really because I've loved, but I've never been loved back, the way I care and love other people.

It really sad.