Processing..

 So i had time to process, i've been in such a dark place for so long and i still am.

It was like it was fate or i on the other hand believe my dad is guiding me. He can see my from up there and he saw my life spiral out of control, after he passed away, he can see that i've not even acknowledged my own cancer, 2021 was a complete blur, i've got zero recollection of anything.

 I'm 38 years old and finally get diagnosed with Bipolar! I feel like my young adult life has been ruined by Depression and Alcohol.. Yes i am indeed still sober, not touched a drop. I also stopped eating meat, cut out diet fizzy pop because that doesn't help and health wise i feel better .

So, anyway, i saw a new Psychiatrist the other day, she had taken over my case. It was like she was sent to me, because for the first time since my teenage years i was heard.. now i've still got depression but a lot of other things i do, say and buy means something else. Everything makes sense now. My behaviour, my really dark days that can last weeks, hours of chaotic behaviour, just everything makes sense.

I've got to have an ECG and blood tests first to check every things ok and to also monitor me when i start treatment. I honestly can't wait to feel happy about being alive.

I'll keep you posted, remember to try and live each day as it's your last because we really never know when it could be our last 💓