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Still trying to get my head around the fact I'll never see my dad again, I've woken up feeling sick with griefe. 
I keep trying to remember dad before the cancer, when he was loving life but I'm struggling, all I am remembering is the cancer version of dad, the dad that was starving due to the cancer blocking his throat, the dad that opened his car door when we went food shopping to be sick because of the chemo, the dad I sat with day and night and watched as he took his last breath 💔 
I want the old visions back, my healthy dad, the drunk dad dance he used to do, I just want my dad back 😢 

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