Mental health

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Really struggling with my mental health, I can't understand why my dad is no longer alive, I can't bring myself to deal with me having cancer because my grieving takes over everything. I can't find happiness in anything I do because I can't deal with losing my dad. 
I start Cancer Psychology on Tuesday,  I'm hoping this type of therapy helps me because I really need something, I'm always tired, I'm still on iron tablets, I'm wondering could the tiredness be the depression??
I want to go to work but I don't like leaving the house. I go back college next week to complete my Diploma i had a medical extension on and the thought of going back is making me feel sick. I'm piling weight on from barely leaving the house, which means zero exercise so thats making me feel like shit too.
The past few nights my dads visited me in my dreams which brings a bit of comfort but not seeing him when I wake up is torture.
My life is shit, the only thing that keeps me going is my 4 boys, I've got no suicidal thoughts, I've got no thoughts at all any more, I'm lacking emotion towards anything, I feel numb.... 💔

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