April 1st Wednesday.

March went by fast, I find that I dissociate alot and the months just pass me by. Jesse has just got home from his sleepover and cinema morning with Damian. He gave me a big hug and said he missed me. This is why I keep living. Its the little things that make a massive difference. That hug saved my life. My boys dont realise how much they save me everyday. Its 1:22pm and im still in my pjs. Had the laziest morning with Jesse not being here. Trying to be positive today and thankful. I try everyday to be as positive as I possibly can, but some days are so heavy. I struggle most days, so im always thankful for the "better" days. Myself and Jesse are meeting up with my sister and her kids tomorrow for hot chocolates, which will be nice. Im just doing a load of washing and im making a pasta bake for tea. Last night it was just me and Jensen in the house, so we had a cheeky take away. I had omelette and chips. Was so nice. I love an omelette from the take away, always taste better than when I make them. But anyway, I feel a bit better today. Still heartbroken, but im doing ok. Jasper is sleeping over tonight, so ill see if he wants come for hot chocolate tomorrow. He probably won't, but its nice to be asked. Ive already asked Jensen, he said he doesnt know. Him and Jasper sleep in till the afternoon so it'll no doubt just be me and Jesse and thats ok. April 1st and its esophageal cancer awareness month. The cancer that killed my father. Miss that man so much. Miss my son so much too. My heart is heavy in my chest, grief is heavy. Im ok, ive got this!