April 14th Tuesday.

Jesse's back in school, ive loved having him off over the holidays. Hes a good boy so hes been no mither at all. Had a cry at school, my friends grandad has passed away and we were talking about the death rattle you get just before you pass away. It took me back to watching my dad take his final breath. Absolutely horrendous. Her grandad brought her up, so its like her father has passed away. I told her the pain never goes away. It'll be 6 years in November for my dad and its still killing me everyday. 2 years in June for my son and again, it kills me everyday. It was nice been able to talk to someone that is going through what I am going through. Someone can relate to how I feel everyday. I know there's people all over the world that are feeling the pain im feeling and it breaks my heart. Life was never meant to be this way..

7 days dieting and ive lost a whopping 11lbs. That's with having one meal a day, fasting and being in a calorie deficit. If I carry on like this ill be able lose a few stone before I go away in 79 days. Won't be dieting when im on holiday because its all inclusive, but I will be mindful of how much I eat.

Its 10:20am and ive got nothing to do. Done all my washing yesterday, so got nothing to wash. Brought everything from Asda to make Tacos for tea, Jesse's favourite, so he'll be happy and thats my day. Ill just sit here now thinking about my father and son. It really doesn't get any easier.