April 13th Monday.

Jesse's been poorly since Friday night, burning up and feeling sick and last night he was sick. Was meant to be back to school today, but instead hes in bed with a sick bowl.. another day stuck in the house. I did nip out for a couple of hours yesterday, I went meet 3 of my friends for a catch up. They're all in relationships now and one of them said its your turn now Ann-Louise. I said im not in the right head space to be with anyone. What if im single forever? I dont need to be with anyone do i? Feel pressured! How can I be with anyone with how bad my mental health is? I tried it with Natalie and look how that turned out. She was a piss head and i dont want to be with a drinker. I dont have to be with one if I dont want to. Someone will come when the time is right id imagine. I honestly feel like I dont fit into this world anymore. Is my only purpose of being alive to be a mum? Surely there's more to my life right? I remember asking my psychiatrist if my only purpose was to be a mum and she said that its ok if it is. I feel like something is missing out of my life and its my father and son. I feel empty inside. Hollow. I feel dead inside. Nearly done a week dieting and fasting, can't wait to see how much ive lost tomorrow. Im hoping losing weight will give me a bit of a confidence boost, because I feel terrible at the moment. Im not happy with how I look. Ive let myself go. The Menopause and Olanzopine have ruined me! Ive gained so much weight, but im trying to take back some control over my life and that begins with losing weight. Ill let you know tomorrow how much ive lost. Its 12:13pm now, im just doing some washing, filling up on water and fasting till tea time. Im on one meal a day. If I dont have a good weight loss tomorrow im going to be gutted!