Cancer, Depression and Me.

I'm still trying to come to terms with my sons death. Some days it doesn't feel real that he's no longer here. I keep expecting him to walk through the door after his day at work. My heart aches for my child. I miss him more than anything. I'd do anything to see his face again, but instead I sit here looking at his urn on my fire place. We're in April already and on June 2nd it will be a year since he's passed away. I ask myself how I've made it this far in life because I am morbidly depressed and I'm grieving.  How am I continuing with life? My dad's death destroyed me, but losing a child, I can't even put it into words how devastating it is.  Not a day goes by where I don't think about my son and my dad. Every day I'm filled with deep sadness, my heart aches. I had a shit day yesterday, I didn't go the cafe because Jensen took me school morning and afternoon bless him. He was off work so it was nice of him take me school and Asda to...

Had my 9th driving lesson yesterday and my head wasn't in it. I stalled so many times and I had a driver beeping at me from behind which made the situation even worse. Apparently I'm doing what I should be for my 9th lesson and I shouldn't feel disheartened. Let's hope the more lessons I have the easier it will become. Fingers crossed. I'm saving for a car now, can't wait be driving. I've been see my mum today which has done me good. She made us both a coconut tai green curry for dinner and it was lovely. Mum's always made lovely curries. 2 of my friends came visit me last night, was nice to have a catch up. Never feel like seeing anyone but always glad when I do. I went the cafe this morning to see some of my friends. I just wish I had more to say. Wonder why I don't talk much anymore? It's got to be the depression. I've felt ok the past few days, I mean, I'm always sad but I'm ok, if that makes sense. I don't want to die which i...