April 29th Tuesday.

Just had my 11th driving lesson. I thought I'd forget everything I've learnt with not having a lesson over half term, but I didn't, it went well. I've decided have a lesson a fortnight from now on instead of weekly because it's £40 a lesson and I just can't afford it weekly. It'll take me longer to pass but that's ok. 

We're nearly in May, and June 2nd is literally around the corner. June 2nd the day my world went dark, my son passed away. I'm dreading it.

How has a year nearly gone by so fast?

How have I made it through each day since my son tragically passed away?

I've said it before, but I honestly believe Olanzopine saved my life!

It's a shame i have to rely on medication just to get through each day, not alot I can do about it is there. Just got to keep taking my meds morning and night and just hope i get better.

I've not mentioned it for a while, but I still think about dying most days. If I was dead I wouldn't have to deal with life. I'm torn between wanting to die and wanting to stay alive for my children.

Life's hard work!

I've just done a load of washing and pegged it all out. The weather is lovely and warm. Its given nice weather out all week.

I've got go hospital tomorrow to check see if my cancer is back. I'm dreading it. Fingers crossed they don't find any cancer, I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes.

Bath and shave tonight ready for my internal examination. Hate it but needs to be done. I have to have it done yearly because they said there's a chance the cancer could return. I'm praying they don't find anything. 

I went the cafe this morning to see all my friends, I love seeing them, they brighten my day.

I'm going see if Jensen and Jasper want to go for dinner today whilst Jesse is at school.

That's about it for today's blog.