April 28th Monday.

Since Jay-Dees death, i tell the kids i love them alot more. I've always told them I love them, just not as much as I do now. If they leave the house, we tell each other we love each other, if we're ending a phone call, we tell each other that we love one another. I tell them any chance I get. You never know when your time is up. I could leave the house one day and it could be my last day. Death became so much more real since losing my dad and son. I'm scared I'll lose another son, I know it's normal after losing Jay-Dee. I worry more, I mother them more. Jay-Dees death hit us all so hard. It wasn't expected. I never thought I'd ever lose a child. I'm so glad I text Jay-Dee on his way to Liverpool and told him I loved him in the message. I wish I'd of said it in person, but he knew how much I loved him. He was a mummy's boy. They're all mummy's boys, I bend over backwards for my children. I would give my life to save my children. The love a mother has for her boys is out of this world. My boys can't do no wrong in my eyes. I've raised, well mannered, loving boys and I couldn't be prouder. My heart aches for my son Jay-Dee, but it's also full of love for my living sons. If I only had Jay-Dee, I would of been dead already. I would of gone with him, but I can't bare to leave my other children behind. This is why I fight my demons so hard.