June 5th Friday.

I go the cafe before Jesse goes in school every morning to buy Jesse a snack and milkshakes for snack time in school. I got there early today about 8:05am. I brought him his snacks and just sat there waiting for 8:30am so i could see him off into school. I must of dissociated because I sat down and the next thing I knew, it was half 8. I must of spent 25 minutes doing absolutely nothing. People were all around me, but I just dissociated from the world. I looked at the clock and was like, oh shit its half past.

I didn't get sleep last night till after 12am and its got to be because I napped through the day. Ive been tired all day today, but ive stayed awake. Want an early night.

I think im tired all the time because im emotionally drained. Depression is draining me.

Spent the day clearing my kitchen work tops and cupboards out, kept me busy. Im such a cluttery person, so ive tried to put things away instead of things being all over my work tops.

Another day of hanging on by a thread. People ask me everyday how I am and ive stopped saying im ok, because let's face it, its a lie. Now I say, im not ok, but i have to keep going for my boys.

The only reason ive not topped myself is because they need me. Can you imagine how devastated my boys would be if I killed myself. I have to keep fighting this depression. 

Im either going to get better, or die trying..