June 1st Monday.

2 years tomorrow since my son tragically passed away. 2 whole years without my child by my side. 2 years of emptiness. My friends took me Leek today to get me out of the house, didn't want go, just wanted be on my own, but I went. Hasn't taken the pain away that i feel inside. I honestly dont know how ive made it through the last 5 and a half years. Dad died and i died inside. Something changed me that day. My son dying has just wrote me off. I try everyday to get through each day, but its hard work. I just hate being alive. I wont be doing anything tomorrow, ill be remembering my son like I do everyday, but the anniversary of his death will be hard. I wont be going the cafe in the morning, I wont feel like talking, like most days. 5 and a half years since my dad passed away and 2 years tomorrow for my son. Life is hard. It kills me that I never got to say goodbye to my son. I remember kissing his face in The Chapel Of Rest. Seeing him in a coffin haunts me. I remember seeing my dad in his coffin. Images ill never, ever, forget. Etched into my brain. Im plagued with grief. Its horrible. I feel so sad inside. Ive got my kids around me and they wouldnt know I was dead inside. I get up, I do my chores, I cook tea, and the whole time im dead on the inside. I hide it so well. Tomorrow is going to be an emotional day. Why did my son kill himself, I ask everyday. I wish I could of saved him. I wish I could of saved my dad. Why is life so cruel? I have to believe they're in God's arms waiting for me. It keeps me going..