June 19th Friday.

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11 days and 22 hours until our holiday. Absolutely shitting myself! 
Jensen brought a new car today, he had to get the train to Birmingham and then he drove back. He did have a Abarth, but it was costing him a fortune so he decided to sell it and get a different car.
We went for a drive out in it earlier and went Costa coffee with Jasper and Jesse. 
Love doing things with all my boys. Guts me that Jay-Dee isn't here anymore to do stuff with. 
Ive just been sat staring at my digital photo frame and watching photos come on of my boys growing up. It breaks my heart that Jay-Dee is no longer here. 
Father's day on Sunday and my heart aches for my dad. I miss him so much. I miss them both.
Can't wait get into bed tonight and not have to set an alarm. I can't wait go sleep. Jasper's going home about 8pm ish and ill be getting in bed watch tv.
I plan on taking Jesse to get his hair cut tomorrow and we'll nip Asda for snacks.
Im not suicidal today, I wouldnt say no to dying, but ive had no thoughts about killing myself so thats a bonus.
Im doing ok today. Ill always be sad, even when I experience happiness. I will always have a sadness inside of me..

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