June 14th Sunday.

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Last night I could of killed myself, i obviously didn't, but Jensen and Jasper stayed over in Liverpool and Jesse stayed Damians the night. I could of just ended my life whilst my boys were all out. Instead, I ordered myself a curry and was asleep by half 9. I also didn't self harm. So proud of myself for fighting the urge. 
Ive been thanking about joining the gym and walking there and back, but its quite far away from where I live. The weight ive gained from medication is adding to my depression. I dunno, it was just a thought. 
My boys will be back about 3 or 4pm they said and Jesse will be back this afternoon, so im just sat with my animals. 
Loved my early night last night, you can tell im old and dont drink anymore. I was happy to just get into bed and go sleep haha. Ill take this peaceful life over anything. My life might be a mess because of my depression, but its better than it use to be since I went sober. I use to wake up after a night out either in a police cell or hospital from cutting myself. I will take sobriety everyday. Not going see my friends today, just going have a pj day and wait for my boys to get home.

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