December 5th Monday.

I replay the phone call I made to Damian within seconds of the police telling me Jay-Dee was dead. I remember my hands trembling as I tried to find Damian in my phone. I remember saying the police are here, Jay-Dee is dead whilst crying. It haunts me. I'll never forget that morning. I hate life! It's cruel!! Why did my baby have to kill himself. Why didn't I see the signs? There were no signs, it was the fucking drugs. God I could scream! Recreational drugs took my son from me. Im so angry at the world. Didn't take Jesse school today, looked out the window at half 6 this morning, saw the thick snow, and thought nope. I climbed back into bed with Jesse and went back sleep. Jesses been playing out in the snow for ages, he's come in freezing and wet. Hes now sat infront of the fire in his pjs. Ive got the fire and the heating on, its so cold today. Jesses going school tomorrow regardless of the weather. Im going cook a lobby tomorrow. I'll go Asda in the morning get all my veg and the meat place for some fresh diced beef. Perfect. Jensen is still in Bath, he'll be on his way back soon I'd imagine. Hope he enjoyed his night away. I dont feel too bad today, apart from having a few flash backs, of the morning of Jay-Dees death, but im doing ok. Not sure what I'm doing for tea tonight. Jesse won't be able go school on his bike in this snow. No way is it safe. Anyway, im going. Oh its 4:44pm Angel Number. Haha.