April 19th Saturday.

My baptism is tomorrow and I'm so nervous. Why, i don't know, but i am. I'm going to do it though, I'll push myself. Anxiety is a bitch. 

I'm also excited to become apart of my church family, I know i already am, but you know what i mean. Being baptised will wash away my sins and bring me closer to God and I can't wait.

Had my brother down for the day yesterday, like every Friday. It was a nice day. Today I've been Asda and that's it.

I've just been sat thinking about Jay-Dee and my dad. They're on my mind everyday. Not a day goes by where I don't think of them both. Why did my baby have to kill himself? Why did cancer take my fathers life? So many questions and zero answers!

It hits me daily that they are gone and it doesn't get any easier. I miss them so much.

Jasper will be around soon for his sleep over, can't wait to see him. I'll be having an early night tonight so I can get up early and get ready for my baptism. How exciting!! 

I'm on the last season of Power, going be gutted when it ends.

Myself and my mum have booked Inflato for Tuesday to take all the kids, so that will be a nice day.

I'm on day 10 of Mounjaro and I'm 6lb down, it's going good. Its take away night tonight when Jasper sleeps but I'm not going to have one. I'm determined to shift some of my weight. I'm trying to eat less than a 1000 calories a day and upto now it's going good.

Pulled the right side of my back last night and it's killed me turning over in the night, Jesse had to help me sit up in bed this morning. It feels a bit better today so I'm hoping it's ok for tomorrow. 

I'm shitting myself at the thought of being submerged under water tomorrow. What if I'm too heavy to life back out haha, but seriously, I'm shitting myself.

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.