March 17th Monday.

Last night I was lying in bed with Jesse and he was crying saying he misses his grandad and Jay-Dee. I put my arms around him to comfort him, even though I knew how he was feeling, I didn't let it show. I just told him I miss them too.

Then he said 'I don't know what I'd do without you' and my heart sank.

I reassured him that I wasn't going anywhere. It made me think, doesn't matter how bad my days are, my children really do need me so I have no choice but to carry on.

For an 8 year old to say he wouldn't know what do without me, really hit home. Kinda knocked some sense into me. I can't let the intrusive thoughts win, I have to keep fighting my demons. I don't have a choice but to live.

My kids would be heartbroken if I was to die and I can't leave them.

Just got to get up everyday and be the best that I can. I've got to show up and be strong for them.

Regardless of how I'm feeling, I've got to carry on.

This morning I've been the cafe to see my friends and I've just got back from my check up at the dentist. I've got a load of washing in the washer. I've been Asda to get stuff for tea and I don't feel too bad today mentally speaking. I feel ok so that's good. Maybe Jesse's comment knocked some sense into me. I needed to hear those words he said. My heart needed to hear it too.

I've started Slimfast today. Shake for breakfast and dinner then a healthy tea, except my tea won't be healthy because I'm having bacon and cheese oatcakes. Oh well, as long as I can stick to the 2 shakes a day and cut my chocolate out hopefully I'll lose some weight.

I'm just going fill up on cups of tea.

Anyway, we'll see how long the Slimfast diet lasts..