March 13th Thursday.

I was just sat with sons urn thinking, In 3 months it will be a year for my son and in November it will be 5 years for my dad.

Honestly, I don't know how I'm getting through each day. My heart aches for them both.

My life is like a blur, I wake up everyday and can't wait to go back bed to escape the world.

Every second of everyday my dad and my son are on my mind.

I ask myself why everyday.

Why take my son and my dad from me.

Why me?

I'm feeling low today. I wish I could turn back the clock and have them both with me again, but I know I can't and that's something I've got to try and live with.

There's a massive hole in my heart that death has left me with.

It'll never be filled, I'll never feel whole again.

I'm empty inside. Grief is torture.

Losing my father was bad, but to lose a child kills me inside.

Life was never meant to be this way.

On this road of grief that I'm on, I seem to have lost myself along the way. I'm a shell of a person.

I don't take care of myself anymore.

I use to wear make up all the time, now I don't bother. I just don't care anymore about anything.

I'm just drifting through each day and it's depressing. 

I spend alot of time alone, I know I see my friends every morning and in the evening, but I still feel so lonely.

Will I ever be in a relationship again?

I've become so withdrawn from the world its scary.

I know I have better days but even on them days my dad and my son are always on my mind. It just never goes away.

I'm going have to carry this grief with me until I die.

I can't wait to grow old so I'm closer to death.