October 24th Thursday.

Damian is here sorting Jay-Dees room out. Ive broke my heart. Hes made of strong stuff because I personally couldnt do it. If it was down to me, id never empty his room, but everything is going in the loft, apart from a few things im keeping in my room with me. I wrote before about Jesse still being in my room with me, so its time for him to move into his own room now. Life is so hard. I attended my bereavement course yesterday, talked about my dad and my son again. It does me the world of good being able to talk about them both and having people there who listen and share their stories of bereavement, gives me comfort. I know im not the only person dealing with grief. People seem to be able to handle thier grief better than I am, why do I struggle so much with death when im so comfortable with dying? Not taken Jesse school today, my medication makes it so hard to get up some mornings. I fucking hate my life. Ive been so suicidal the past week, im really struggling, but I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, not that she can do much more for me. Im just medicated and some how meant to get better.. Im so sick of taking my medication, but I know I need it. How sad is my life knowing I need medication to stay alive? Its so sad. Im so depressed its unreal.