October 22nd Tuesday.

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To sit and have to ask yourself, what is my purpose, is really sad. Im struggling today. Mental health will be the death of me, I just know it. Im really struggling with wanting to stay alive, and the sad thing is, I have no choice but to stay here and try and live. My boys need me. I feel like grief is consuming me. I feel like I have the weight of the world weighing me down. Grief feels heavy today. Im living in limbo, part of me wants to die, and part of me fights to stay alive. Being alive is hard work! It hit me again earlier that ill never get to see my child again. Grief is sneaky, it just creeps up then, boom!! hits you all over again. Ive not been feeling life lately, im not finding any enjoyment in being alive. God im so depressed.

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