October 16th Wednesday.

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Week 4 of my bereavement course today. I cried for the whole 2 hours, talking about my dad and my son. Id say I feel better for crying, but I dont. I feel very emotional today. I told them how I have this silent scream inside of me, that desperately wants to come out. I think thats what I need, I need to scream out loud. It will be 20 weeks on Sunday without my son. How on earth have I made it through the last 5 months?? Everything is a blur. Im stuck in grief and life is passing me by. I was telling them on the course that it will be 4 years for my dad next month, and how ive got no recollection of the past 4 years. I honestly dont know how im doing life. I just dont understand how im still functioning. Im so tired, mentally speaking. Im drained. Grief is draining isnt it? I told them today that the only reason im alive today is because of my other children, or id happily join my son and dad. I broke my heart. What a shit day.

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