October 11th Friday.

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So, I met up with my sister. We had coffee, I got my new tattoo, ill put a photo on, and then we went Christmas shopping. My sister brought so much for her children and I didn't buy a thing. I couldn't bring myself to buy anything christmassy, I told my sister, I'm not ever putting decorations up this year. I'll put some lights around my sons urn and hang the boys stockings above the fire and that's it.
I know I should make more of an effort because of Jesse but, I'm sure he'll understand. I'm just not feeling festive at all.
It will be 19 weeks on Sunday since I lost my child. 19 whole weeks of silent screams, 19 weeks of complete heartache. My heart actually aches. 
Oh god, if I didn't have my other children I would happily kill myself.(big sighhh)

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