October 10th Thursday.

I've been thinking about my dad alot just lately, I just can't believe it will be 4 years next month since he passed away.

I've got no recollection of the past 4 years. I'm not sure how I've made it through if I'm honest.

My dad was the best dad ever, he went above and beyond for me and my children.

I miss him so much it hurts.

It's taken me 4 years to start getting better, and then my son died...

I've got a brand new battle on my hands.

My dad died from Esophageal Cancer, it starved him to death. It is a cruel cancer!

I watched my dad, for 19 months battle his cancer. He literally fought until the very end. My hero he will always be.

I don't think I could physically and mentally, take another death. 

Death is inevitable, I know this, and everyday I get through, is a day closer to my death.

Anyway, I went the gym yesterday and then me and my friend Kayleigh went Tesco and got ourselves some new gym wear. We've been going 5 weeks now.

Tomorrow I should be meeting my sister and we're going for a coffee and hopefully get my new tattoo, in memory of my son.

I'll show you once it's done.

I went on my bereavement course yesterday, week 3.. feel like I've blinked and I'm already 3 weeks into the course.

I've learnt that my grief will never lesson, I'll just learn to live with it better. I know I've got a few years of a battle on my hands to get better mentally.

Here we go again.