July 3rd Lake District.

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Day 2 of being at the Lake District,  everyone's gone swimming but I felt too fat so I'm sat with a iced coffee, reading my book. My 3rd book since my sons death. It's called 'its ok that you're not ok'.
These books about grieving are really helping me.
Don't know why I'm bothered about my weight because there's lots of different shapes and sizes here.
It's a Haven holiday at the Lake District. 
I was hoping this break would take my mind off things but I'm just delving deeper into my memory and all I can see is my sons beautiful face. God I miss my son so much.
All I want now, is my sons ashes home.
It took a week after my dad's funeral for his ashes to come home. My dad, 3 and half years on is still in my bedroom.
My sons ashes will go in front of my fire and that's where he will stay. That way I can see him everyday.
Did I do something wrong in life? Why plagued me with death and cancer?
Why is all this happening to me?
I'm trying my best in life, I really am. I'm really trying to be a better version of myself.
The sun is shinning but I have a dark blanket so to speak covering me.
I feel like darkness walks beside me everyday and I'm scared of anything else happening in my life.
I still don't see a future with me in it but by God I am trying..

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