July 17th 2024

Jesse's gone Alton Towers today with Damian, and ive walked to the chemist for my medication, and Asda, alone. Might not seem like much but that is a big thing for to do. Honestly my anxiety some days doesnt alow me to leave the house. Its horrible. I feel like sadness trickles through my veins like rain coming from the sky. I try to do "normal" things and im still filled with sadness. 6 and a half weeks without my son, my heart aches. I feel like im covered with a veil of heartache. Its Wednesday today, im going to visit my mum Saturday. We use to be so close but we sort of drifted apart. We message daily but we dont see each other much. It will be nice to get out of the house and visit family. Lifes too short isnt it? How am I feeling? Im ok, but im sad. Does that make sense? Its hard to describe because I know im having a better day mentally, but im still filled with sadness. I dont want to die today so thats something good, right? You know, I have a pug called Sicily but we call her puggy and shes like my little support dog. She follows me everywhere I go and to be honest, shes gotten me through some really dark days. She always knows when im sad and when I cry she licks my tears. Dogs really are a mans best friend arent they? I couildnt imagine life without her. She will be 3 years old in 10 days and ive had her since she was 9 weeks old. My little girl. With having 4 boys, I decided on having a girl pug. Shes the laziest dog ever, all she does is sleep and eat. I dont know if its the depression or the menopause but my memory is shocking, it has been for a while. Its scares me how bad it is. I can be mid way through a conversation and forget what we were talking about. Its shocking! I have to tell myself often that there are other people all over the world, who feel lonely and isolated like I do. I know im not alone in my missery, and I have to remind myself that. I manage to talk about stuff in my blog but verbally, I have nothing to say..