Olanzopine is keeping me alive, I swear..
Just thinking back to early last year 2022, I was that suicidal and tearful it was unreal.
Since taking Olazopine, I feel like I can control my suicidal thoughts.
They're still there in my head but I can reason with myself, I tell myself over and over that my kids need their mum.
I go to sleep at night hoping I dont wake up but then im glad I do because my kids need me.
No body, not even my children know the depths of my depression, only you that reads my blogs knows my deepest thoughts, who ever you are...
Everything I feel, I blog.
Blogging gets all my emotions out and I think it helps me venting on here.
Im still waiting to feel happiness..........
March 1st Sunday.
Natalie bombarded me with messages last night, pissed me right off. Telling me she loves me, so this morning ive told her its infatuation and she can't possibly love me and to leave me alone. Ive got enough shit going on in my head without her adding to it. Fuck it off! Life's so much easier being single. Just me and my boys. Going eat what I want today then start calorie counting tomorrow, try shift some weight. Got us all a McDonald's breakfast this morning haha. Don't know how im going stick to a diet, but im going try my best. Getting my hair done tomorrow, really can't be bothered, but my roots are so bad. Thank god my mums a hairdresser haha. I feel ok today, better than I have done the past few days/weeks. Im cooking a gammon joint for dinner. Still need wash my slow cooker, but that can wait till tomorrow. Trying stay positive today and be more thankful. Its hard when you're depressed and grieving. I pray im not like this forever because its horrible. Yo...
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