Empty inside.

Lets talk about how empty I feel inside since my dads death, still after 2 years it still hurts. My dad and I did everything together, he really was my best friend. Life is so hard, I find myself often talking out loud hoping he can hear me. I hope he can. There is a massive void inside me that will never go away until I meet my father again. The death of a parent really hurts. Dad was the glue to our family and now he's not here I feel like I've got no one. I think this blog keeps me sane, writing about how I feel does me the world of good. Just paused for a moment and rested my head in my hands, I asked myself earlier why I survived cancer. I need to know what my purpose is because I must have one or how else did I just get through the last 2 years? I have gone through alot of 'tweeking' my medication to get to where I am today and alot of willpower to fight my demons that try to kill me daily. Them intrusive thoughts are no joke. If you're following my blog, firstly let me give you a massive virtual hug because I honestly know how you feel. By writing this blog for so long I think it saved my life more times than I can count, I've blogged many of times when feeling suicidal because I have no one else talk to except who ever reads my blog posts. Also, my main reason is that who ever reads my posts and you are feeling like me, I just want you to know, you are not alone. My psychiatrist told me that within 2 years I have had 3 major traumatic events happen which is why I can't control my emotions. My 55 year old father died from Esophageal cancer, 5 months after, I had cervical cancer including major open surgery and then my body got forced into the menopause which stopped me from having any more children. Now I am dealing with griefe, my own cancer, the menopause and staying sober. Life is shit. Ever likely I'm messed up in the head. I have to believe that my life will get better, we have got this xxx